Life By Design

I find something quite beautiful in city lights.  I have one of the best memories of being on the top floor of the Bomber Hotel in Mexico City and looking out at the billions of lights in the valley.  I was awestruck at the sight of it and it definitely helped that it was Daniel and my 2nd anniversary of dating and he had just given me flowers.  I could sense the presence of God in that moment, felt the beauty of light in a dark world, and felt rather small but intensely loved.  God knows me intimately, yet I am one of many.  And out of the whole world, Daniel wanted me, loved me, and knew me.  There have been numerous other occasions where city lights have struck me in a special way.  Our many travels over the last few years have provided great backgrounds for beautiful nights full of city lights.  I also have a random spot in Cool Springs that has a pretty good view of the lights there and has been a great place to ponder in solitude.  I was struck again flying over Dallas and seeing lights in every direction as far I could see and here I am…in a little plane with a much different perspective than the cars on the ground.  I see beauty and simplicity.  Who knows what the people driving those cars were seeing and feeling.  And I see light.  I can’t see dark, just the absence of light in places spread throughout the city.  Light is beautiful.  The Light is beautiful.  And this week, a light that I love dearly, has the chance to shine a little longer and possibly a lot brighter.  This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine, let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.  Thank you Jesus.

Emily is doing so well and I greatly appreciate your prayers and concern. I have seen so many miracles through this process and feel like we have come so far from two years ago when things looked a little daunting during her pregnancy and then her decline in health after that. So many of you have faithfully asked about her, prayed for her, and simply acknowledged her life in mine over the past several years and it has meant so much to me. Seriously, so much. It is so nice to have friends that care about your friends even if you don’t know them. I treasure all of you and am so excited to celebrate this answer to prayer with you. Ya’ll are awesome! For those that want to keep up with her story, I’ve been updating her blog for her a lot and that is the best place to stay up to date. www.themulkeys-mulkeys.blogspot.com. She also has another website www.emilysjourney.com that tells more of her history and story prior to this year. I’ll be staying with her for the last two weeks or so in June after her mom leaves as someone has to be with her 24/7 for 8 weeks. I’m so grateful for the timing of this too as it has been a desire of mine to serve them in this way. This is one of the positives I was looking forward to in leaving my job almost a year ago. Wow. A lot can change in a year.

Her first time sitting up in the chair, 24 hours after a double lung transplant.

Today could very well be the very first day that you are able to breathe a deep breath with you new lungs!  I am so excited, humbled and grateful that your lung transplant surgery went so well yesterday.  I know you’re a fighter and although it is hard to prepare for the exact day of such a major life changing event, you have been courageously patient and I know God has been and will continue to work in you and through you in this next change of life.  I can’t wait to see you and will try my best to hold back my tears of joy so I don’t drown you.    I’m so glad I get to be your friend, to have such a firsthand look at your heart and life through this process, and to get to relive the intricacies of life and the simplest of joys with you of being able to breathe deeply, walk without getting winded and to focus all your strength on carrying Faith and not your oxygen tank.  Oh what a beautiful day!  I love you, I am praying for you, and I can’t wait to listen to you share your new experiences in life.  And no matter how hard this rehab and recovery process gets, remember that you are worth it…that all the pain and struggle is worth it!  I love you!

Life has been pretty hectic lately and I’ve decided to not even try and update the blog for the last month.  Most of what is on my heart is on the deeper level and I just have not found or made time to process and write the way I need to.  I’ve been out of town for 12 out of the last 30 days in 3 different states (visited my parents and helped my soon to be sister-n-law with some final wedding preparations in Colorado, traveled on a business trip with Daniel to Salt Lake City, went camping in Arkansas with some of our great friends, The Westers), helped Daniel’s brother’s family get ready for their move from Nashville back to Texas and said goodbye, planned two wedding showers, celebrated graduations, birthdays, and engagements, bought a fridge, started dancing lessons with Daniel, hung out with my 242 girls and friends, and have been preparing for the upcoming family wedding this next weekend and the trip to Texas.  Whew!  It has been a whirlwind of fun and change and I am looking forward to a hopeful respite after we return from the wedding.

But……

My precious friend Emily whom I have blogged about numerous times before is currently in the 6-8 hour surgery that should provide her a new chance at LIFE.  She is undergoing the lung transplant surgery that she has been waiting on officially for the last year but for many, many years as she has battled Cystic Fibrosis.  I am anxiously awaiting the news of the success of the surgery and have decided to stay in Nashville at least most of today so I can update her blog quickly for her other family and friends.  You can check that out here.  I ask that you pray for her, for her family, for her doctors, for the donor’s family, and for me as I make decisions and seek to love her and support her during this major life change.

Here’s the last picture of us I could find but this was from last summer.  I know we’ve taken more since then!

I had a something very bizarre happen yesterday. Have you ever seen prisoners in your yard before? As in about eight large male prisoners, wearing black and white striped prison garb with orange vests on top of them like construction workers? Well, that is exactly what I found when I came home yesterday afternoon.

I pulled into my driveway thinking that what I saw about 30 yards away from me was the county lawn maintenance crew that I had seen about 6 months before. But as I habitually got out of my car to unlock our gate, I noticed the black and white stripes and that the flashing lights were actually two deputy sheriff vehicles. I kind of flipped a little on the inside and frantically called Daniel (not sure why this was my first thought) while waving at the deputy sheriff closest to me to be sure he was awake and saw me pulling into the safe haven called my home. I pulled up to the house and turned the car off and finally Daniel answered the phone. I told him what was going on and that I guess I just wanted him on the phone while they walked by the house.

I figured out that they were picking up trash along the road but since we had recently cleaned up our section of the road, they had nothing to pick up and thus were looking at my car that had just pulled into the driveway. We had also just finished tearing down the fence that provided the only sense of exterior security and so I suddenly felt vulnerable. I decided to stay put in the car because they were between me and the deputy sheriffs and I didn’t want to attract any extra attention to myself. The movie O Brother, Where Art Thou? suddenly entered my mind and I briefly imagined that George Clooney and his two bandit buddies were trying to escape into the woodsy brush next to our house and used me as a hostage for their escape. Some of you might think that being taken hostage by George Clooney would be exciting, but not in the way I was envisioning it.

I snapped back to reality just as the last prisoner walked by. With Daniel still on the phone, I got out of the car and walked into the house. After telling him goodbye, I looked out the window and thought for a moment about the paradox of wisdom.

Wisdom, the common sense, respect my husband, protect my safety, and in general be wise kind of wisdom told me to act carefully, responsibly, and with caution which is basically what I did. But the loving, do unto others as you would want them to do to you, carpé diem kind of wisdom told me to greet them, thank them for their present service to our community, and share with them that they are loved and have purpose on this earth. I had just read in a book that morning about the crisis of fatherlessness in America and that 85% of prisoners grew up without a father to tell them how to be a responsible adult and leader in their families and communities. So I somehow wanted to communicate that in the brief encounter that I had.

I also thought about how the deputy sheriffs were just sitting in their cars watching these men pick up trash. If I was a prisoner, I would probably hate that, if not hate them. I wouldn’t see that their job was to simply watch me pick up trash and be on guard for a scenario like a young woman driving up to her home or one of my buddies trying to escape. I would think of them more like the coach that didn’t believe in you, made fun of you, made you run tons of lines and laps, all the while sitting on their butt and getting fatter by the day. There would definitely be a lack of respect.

I don’t know anything about those men. They could have been believers, I imagine they had good behavior to get the “privilege” to pick up trash on a beautiful spring day, and I’m sure they have people who love and care about them. But at the same time, I’m not sure I would have changed anything that I did except that in some ways, I wish I had come home an hour later.

I’ve felt similarly to this before when I’ve see a man’s car broken down on the side of the road and I’m by myself in the car. I want to help but it is not “wise” to be a woman alone in a scenario like that. And I agree. Just watch the news for a night. But sometimes I wonder in our everyday lives, when the risk is worth taking. As Christians, we tend to elevate significant risks of faith that make sense to us. As in being missionaries, or being a stay at home mom, or serving in the military. We praise people for the sacrifice they are making, we think they somehow are more spiritual than us, and promise to pray for them.

But what about the everyday life risks? The reaching out to your neighbor, forgiving someone who hurt you, sharing Christ in a conversation, or choosing to stay when running away would be so much easier. Jesus never promised a life of ease and actually spoke a lot about the risks of following Him. Sometimes the paradox of wisdom begs for further examination and questioning of the status quo. So I guess that’s what I’m doing. And I invite you to do the same.

For further reading on wisdom, just spend some time in the book of Proverbs. Or check out these few verses from Proverbs 10:9-14:

Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out. Whoever winks the eye causes trouble, but a babbling fool will come to ruin. The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence. Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses. On the lips of him who has understanding, wisdom is found, but a rod is for the back of him who lacks sense. The wise lay up knowledge, but the mouth of a fool brings ruin near.

Most of you know we moved almost a year ago and in that process have continued to purge and simplify. I say ‘continue’ because it is extremely important to me to not be people with a bunch of stuff. And since the phrase “a bunch” is relative, I will define it as particularly a bunch of stuff that we don’t use or need or that gets in the way of our purpose. This is one of the reasons why I like smaller houses.

One of the unexpected gifts that God has given me in this season, is the TIME to purge. And not just the purging of stuff but in all aspects of life. I’m so grateful. My next project, which I probably should be doing right now, is going through several boxes of childhood memorabilia and transferring what makes the cut into rubbermaid boxes. Oh what fun! Anyone want to join me?

But this post is really not about purging but about CRAIGSLIST! I love it. It’s completely free, so easy to use, and in the past two weeks, we’ve made over $300 selling stuff we don’t need, use or want! And we will probably at least double that. I know you can sell stuff on Ebay or garage sales or consignment sales and those each have their uses and pluses, BUT, I still prefer Craigslist. I honestly think you have to look at the items you are selling and pick the right place to sell them.

CRAIGSLIST is located in many major cities in the US so be sure to check it out to see if there is one close to you. Also, there is a freebies section a place for jobs, and even the opportunity to place an ad for something like lawn care bids. It’s instantaneous, has no login requirements, no shipping hassles, no commissions, and no feedback! It is also local which means it is good for both buyers and sellers. The only hang ups that I see with it is the safety issues but with some simple common sense, you should be good to go. Here are my craigslist guidelines: don’t respond to suspicious emails, don’t use your main email address (it is hidden on the post but visible on your responses), don’t meet someone at your house alone (a busy Walgreen’s parking lot works great), only accept cash.

So, quit procrastinating and PURGE! Anything that doesn’t sell can be donated to your favorite charity as well. And you can use your new found money to give, pay off debt, invest in your future, or bless your family and friends!

Alright all of you crazy peoples…get out your party hats and celebrate with me! It’s the unveiling of the new blog…well kind of. I’m considering this a soft opening to get some of you off my back. I’ve been hounded for weeks (particularly by Erika-check out her poem) about getting this up and running and must thank my very talented, gifted, and generous brother-in-law over at Live Tardy. Kirk – THANK YOU for your help with all of this! And to his lovely wife over at Baby Steps, thanks for the creative inspirational suggestions. You guys rock!

So hang with me as I get back in the groove and work some things out! We’re going to be tweaking a few things here at Life By Design to make this the most enjoyable blog reading experience possible. And I welcome your feedback to make it that way! If you would be so kind as to leave me a comment on what you like or don’t like about the blog (or the previous version), that would be AWESOME! I’m thinking about changing the direction a little bit, but would hate to change the one thing that you love about it.

And lastly, note the new location. This is not the same feed/url as my last one, so please be sure to update your readers. I’m going to be reworking our old site too and hopefully keep our pictures a little bit more updated in the process.

It’s been longer than I’d like it to be since my last post. I’ve been having major computer complications and am actually concerned that saving this post could result in crashing my computer. I need about 3 full days to run the diagnostics and then reinstall the operating system. But, I have more important things to do right now.

I’ve been given the wonderful privilege of taking care of our niece while her mom gets ready to have another baby. It’s exciting times in the Tardy family and I’m grateful I have a front row seat.

I’m currently typing with one finger, while my other arm is being put to sleep by a sleepy head. I was trying to keep her awake for an afternoon nap but while we were reading books, she drifted away into dreamland. So, I thought I’d share a few observations over this last week about the art of motherhood or in my case, aunthood.

* My arm hurts but I don’t care that much
* Cheese and bananas are essential items to have in the house
* Kids can dance better than adults
* Cloth car upholstery is not ideal when you have an open banana and you are trying to refill a juice cup
* People at stores are a lot nicer to you
* Naps are tricky when they fall asleep in the car
* You become an instant rock star when you take a cute kid to a high school lunch room to hang out with students
* A hug, kiss, smile or laugh is extremely rewarding
* Toddlers understand a whole lot more than they can say
* It’s really easy to forget what you’re doing, supposed to do, and to almost put your cell phone in the fridge instead of the milk

The LBD Dual Significance:

I have a mom, I want to be a mom, and I have lots of friends who are moms. You don’t have to tell me that it’s hard work, confusing, difficult at times, rewarding, and worth it. I don’t know what it feels like and can relate only as far as aunthood observations go, but here’s my shout out to the art of motherhood and to all of you wonderful mothers whom I call my friends. Each one of you are rock stars.

Dictionary
celebrate |ˈseləˌbrāt|
verb [ trans. ]
1 mark (a significant or happy day or event), typically with a social gathering.
• [ intrans. ] do something enjoyable to mark such an occasion : she celebrated with a glass of champagne.
• reach (a birthday or anniversary).
2 perform (a religious ceremony) publicly and duly, in particular officiate at (the Eucharist) : he celebrated holy communion.
3 honor or praise publicly : a film celebrating the actor’s career | [as adj. ] ( celebrated) a celebrated mathematician.
DERIVATIVES
celebrator |-ˌbrātər| noun
celebratory |səˈlebrəˌtôrē; ˈseləbrə-| adjective
ORIGIN late Middle English (sense 2) : from Latin celebrat- ‘celebrated,’ from the verb celebrare, from celeber, celebr- ‘frequented or honored.’

I’m feeling rather celebratory today. So much so that I cannot seem to motivate myself to do much else but exist in a celebratory state. And trust me I have much to do today. And the way I am living that out today in my little house all by myself if for me to know and you not to find out. hehehe

Here’s my list of reasons why:
1. Today is Daniel’s birthday! Happy Birthday Baby!
2. I just got back from an awesome trip to the beach and I have a face tan!
3. I have a nephew who is expected to be born in a little over a month!
4. A close friend just got engaged!
5. I didn’t die in the green monster tornado on Tuesday night (one of the eeriest things I’ve ever seen) [Pray for the many families who lost loved ones and their homes]
6. I made new friends this weekend and laughed so hard it hurt (one of the best feelings in the world)!
7. LOST is on tonight. I want to know whose eye it was! I think it was Charlie.
8. There are 3 weddings coming up that I am way excited about!
9. We have a brand new Heat Pump and duct work that is working beautifully! Thanks to LOTS of Daniel’s hard work which I am really, really grateful for.
10. I get to visit some GREAT friends later this month.

The LBD Dual Significance:

Romans 12:15 “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.”

This is not always easy to do.

Ok, the final part of this crazy long series. Like I said in Part 2, I am very thankful for Nate’s openness in their story and for what God has done in my own heart and story because of it. Here’s my personal story and response to it all.

Emily and I have been friends for over 12 years. We were paired in our student ministry as Big Sister and Little Sister when she was in 7th grade and I was a sophomore in high school. My role was to help her adjust to being in the student ministry and be a friend and someone to talk to when she was there. I loved it and I of course chose her as my little sister because we shared the same name. I knew we would be great friends when our high school girls kidnapped the 7th grade girls really early in the morning and took them to eat at McDonald’s. Her not so lovely demeanor, frustration, and stubbornness about the whole thing won me over. I was the exact same way!

Throughout high school, our relationship developed into not only a deeper discipleship relationship but truly we had a wonderful friendship too. We would have Sonic dates all the time and talk about what God was doing in our hearts and lives, pray together, and as time went on, she began to share what she was struggling with in her fight with CF. I remember one very significant conversation on the phone when the fears of the future, the what ifs, and the whys were very heavy on her heart. As God was working in me to love and disciple her, I knew I was way out of my league. Thankfully, as God was working in me, I truly began to see that in my weakness, and in Emily’s weakness, HE is strong. Her physical struggles were a roller coaster just like the emotional, mental, and spiritual battles she was facing. I was thankful to be there all along the way and walk through life with her. The discipleship relationship really changed places too. Her faith, her journey, her struggles were teaching me more about who Christ is and His love and power than most anything else. And I am forever grateful.

We both married a few years later and were bridesmaids in each others weddings. I don’t have time to tell you the cool God stories in all of this but Jason, Emily’s husband, is such an amazing gift from God for her! Our friendship deepened drastically and although we ended up moving to different cities, we still maintained a very significant friendship. For many seasons, we have talked on the phone daily and if not weekly…something that is hard to maintain in any friendship much less long distance.

Although I rarely use the term “best friend” [because my husband truly is and I don’t like the exclusivity of the term...maybe I hang around high school girls or something ] but Emily is the epitome of what that means. She is the person besides Daniel who knows me best and who I know best and we take advantage of that. With the closeness of friendship, also comes the greater risk. I have realized over the past several years, just how much Emily means to me and how much my life is enriched by her presence in it. I can’t imagine living life without her.

Over the past few years, we have both had many conversations along these lines. When she became pregnant (a perfect gift from God NOT a mistake for not being careful enough), the reality of the risks was daunting. As she dealt with the many, many, many decisions, scenarios, and what ifs, not to mention the physical struggles, my role to pray, encourage, listen, and uphold became joyfully difficult. As God brought her daughter into the world and blessed Emily with the days to raise her, the new struggles of the urgent need for new lungs developed. The urgent need is still there and the wait is on.

How do you walk beside someone who is going through such a thing? How do you acknowledge realities and live in hope without being naive? How do you use words when words seem to fall so short? How do you handle your own fears while trying to help someone else with theirs? How do you hold the gifts that God has given you with an open hand when everything in you screams to keep your fist closed around it? I did not know the answers to any of these questions but somehow, someway God continues to use our friendship in both of our lives for encouragement and support. I love you Em. Beyond all words, I love you, I am eternally grateful for you and your friendship, and my life is forever changed because of you.

The LBD Dual Significance: So wrapping this back around to Nate’s blog, God has used his words and their story to help heal my heart in some ways. Emily is a very private person and her circumstances, although similar to Tricia’s, are different. In riding the roller coaster ride with her through specifically the past three years, there have been many things I have felt, wanted to say or acknowledge, or just been processing that were difficult to communicate because the words just weren’t there or the timing just wasn’t right. It also seems to be that I am far away when something happens rather than my normal two hour drive to her. I missed the birth because we were in Hawaii and seem to always be traveling when she gets a call for the lung transplant. For anyone that has lived similar circumstances, it is so difficult to not be there. It’s not like you can do anything but just to be there is so important. And the fears that I have battled about my own what ifs are much harder to battle when I’m not there. And by not being there in those moments, the emotional journey is somewhat unresolved.

So thanks to Nate being open and vulnerable and sharing his story. But it’s not Nate, it’s Christ in Nate that is doing something incredible. By reading His words, many times, it’s like I am reading my own thoughts from a few years back and able to heal some in the process. I’m also excited to see someone who is walking through circumstances like he is, speak the way he is speaking, even if it is just him processing his thoughts. It is a much needed perspective and reminds me of many conversations that Em and I have.

So these are my thoughts that I am processing related to all of this. I’ve felt pretty jumbled through this whole thing (sorry!) but it is also important to me to get this out there since it has been almost a week since the others have been up. Nobody is perfect this side of heaven and the blogging world will not be perfect either. I’m not expecting that, I’m just working through it in my own life, in my own weaknesses and struggles. And at the end of the day when all is said and done, I go back to 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 and pray that my life would look more like this: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.