The catapult that started me writing about this subject most recently was a blog that I started reading (www.cfhusband.blogspot.com). A good friend sent me the link because she knew I would be interested in it from my own story with my friend Emily who has CF. And, she was right! Before I go any further, let me say that I have asked permission from Emily to share this and the CF Husband from the other website has also given permission through his blog to post about it.

Here is the summary of the CF Husband’s blog:
My name is Nathan. My wife, Tricia has Cystic Fibrosis (CF) and had been preparing for a double lung transplant until we discovered we were pregnant. Tricia is the most incredible person I’ve ever met. She keeps me humble and in love. Gwyneth is our beautiful, new, baby girl, born 15+ weeks early. Tricia is on her way back onto the transplant list, and Gwyneth is on her way out of the NICU and into our hearts. This is our story from my perspective…

Here is the summary of Emily’s story:
Emily, who was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis at 3 months and Jason, her husband, started to look into a lung transplant but that evaluation was put on hold because of the beautiful surprise of pregnancy. It was a mix of emotions since Emily had been told all of her life that she probably would not be able to get pregnant and that it would be a dangerous endeavor for her. God had other plans. About 3 months after the birth of their daughter, Emily’s lung collapsed for the first time, she was hospitalized several times, and continued to have a rapid decline. In June of 2007, the news came that they not only made the double lung transplant list, but were #2 in line for her blood type. She has since had 4 dry runs and is still waiting for new lungs. Since her journey began, it has been a roller coaster of blessings, periods of frustration, and a whole lot of waiting on what God
has next. The faith that she and Jason have, is certainly
enriching ours.

As you can see, and if you read further, there are many similarities. Part 2 is about blogging and Part 3 is about my personal thoughts related to these stories. I first wanted to give you the intro.

So, Part 2…about the blogging side of it. As I read Nate’s posts to get up to date on what was going on, I immediately made the connection to all that he was going through and my Emily’s story. I emailed him just to let him know I was praying for them and to mention Emily in case her journey could be a resource for them. Emily had mentioned several times during her pregnancy of her desire to talk to someone who had lived through what she was going through in her stage of the disease. It was be awesome to see God use their stories for mutual encouragement.

However, as I started to read some comments on the blog and then read the posts that Nathan began to write about some of the comments, I began to see what the end of Part 1 was all about. I’ve seen this on many different sites in the Christian community and it usually is related to a situation that is very difficult, that the future is uncertain, and where the sovereignty of God is called into question because of the pain involved (terminal illness, tragic death of a loved one, death of an infant or child, adoption, etc). As a side note, it is also amazing how many people who do not know Christ are involved in reading these blogs too and how they immediately become evangelistic just because of the essence of the story. It’s also amazing how many people have the “perfect advice” for any given situation that they are going through.

There is also the reality TV side of the blog. I think people have even ‘demanded’ updates from Nathan like we would ‘demand’ a new episode of The Office during the writers strike. People are tuning in and checking their readers often. I am keeping up to date too after being behind for several days. But, the truth is, and this is blunt, once the ‘drama’ dies down, most of us will quit reading. It could partly be because of lack of posts but could it also be that the reading isn’t “as good” as it once was when things move on.

The LBD Dual Significance: Maybe I’m off here but as human beings, we seem to be attracted to the drama of a situation rather than the truth of it. We want to gasp at Satan’s evil schemes rather than wrestling with the sovereignty of God in painful situations. We want to sympathize with someone who is going through our worst fear and be thankful that it’s them and not us and maybe even wonder what they did to cause it to happen rather than trusting God’s sovereignty and that there are many things that are finite brains do not know or understand. My hope is that everyone who reads, is thinking, is praying, is wrestling. I hope that if you comment you think about what you say, you mean it when you say you will pray, and that your focus would be on how awesome God is.

I have admired Nate’s responses as he battles these comments, perceptions, judgments, and opinions. He is also giving due praise to the King of Kings in the midst of it all and not allowing Satan to get credit for the amazing things that God is doing. And although some may say that it is because his girls are both still living, I believe that the God he serves is with Him and is living out exactly what Ephesians 3 is talking about (see end of Part 1). And no matter what God’s plan is in the midst of it all, He is faithful, present, loving, and righteous and from reading Nathan’s thoughts, I am confident that he knows this and is resting in that truth and the life of Christ in him.

I also know that Nate is being very open and vulnerable with their story, a choice that they are making. I personally am very thankful (see Part 3) but it definitely is not the easiest road to take to retain your privacy. However, it appears that Nathan has a bigger vision than retaining their privacy and just surviving in the moments they are living right now. And I hope and pray that whatever that vision is, that He, his family, his community, the world, and Christ would be blessed because of it. It seems like it is already happening.

The Sovereignty of God: For further reading and listening on the sovereignty of God check out the following site and scroll down to the bottom section about Bruce Ware. There are articles as well as two sermons that he presented at Fellowship. He has also written a book titled God’s Greater Glory. I’m not even sure I agree with everything he says in all of this (I might, I just can’t remember) but I do remember it being profound in my wrestling and understanding of God’s sovereignty.

* The count is at one. One mouse got stuck in a gooey trap but after a ferocious battle with the sticky stuff and lots of nibbling at the cardboard underneath, it escaped. No sightings to record.

* I may start drinking milk. My brother-in-law states “Milk keeps me skinny.” He is skinny and probably drinks more milk in a week than I have in my entire life combined. I don’t like milk. My brother was allergic to it and so growing up we had the endure the terrible tragedy of eating dry cereal. After that, my desire for milk diminished all together. But, if it help maintain a healthy weight or good health, I might consider trying to develop a taste for it. For now, I’m sticking with my lowfat vanilla yogurt and lowfat cottage cheese.

* As of yesterday at approximately 6:23 PM, Daniel and I have been married for 6 1/2 years. Yeah! I am amazed at all that God has done in us and through us together as a couple. Since we dated through high school, our half anniversary was a BIG deal, and we’ve kept the tradition a little bit. Halves are my responsibility, Fulls are Daniel’s. We had our first candlelight dinner in our new house last night and had a great time. Don’t watch the movie Waitress on an anniversary though. It is all about an affair and not very marriage affirming. We were hoping Andy Griffith would save the movie with his advice, but his role was very minimal.

* I included a picture of the house to show you a little bit how it is changing. I need to get another page together to show the progress through pictures.

* I’m having to really watch what I’m thinking about during my “get things done” time during the days. A lot of what I am doing has to do with finances, insurance, home improvement & pitfalls, and healthy eating and living and I’ve found myself being highly interested, attentive and concerned about all of these things. I’ve found that since I do not have a “real” job, I have more time to focus on more personal items which is a blessing but I can also see it becoming a curse with just the right twist of Satan and causing me to worry or stress about things (something I haven’t struggled with in awhile). Please pray for me in that. Here’s an example: I read an article about radon gas in homes and how bad it is. I suddenly felt the need to test for this and instantly felt tense about the air I was breathing. This is normally not like me.

* I’m reading a book that is really making me think and has a lot of observations that I have never thought of before about things that I think about a lot. I like that aspect. It is The Saving Life of Christ by Major W. Ian Thomas. The verdict is still out on what I think about the book overall but I’m enjoying the read.

* My foosball playing, Bohemian Rhapsody singing, junior high buddy, Sarah Rachel (sorry, I just outed you!) put a post on her blog about seasonal depression so I thought I would share my comment here and recommend another book:

“I have struggled every winter with the same thing…the after holiday shock but then it doesn’t leave…and then turns into more. Actually today is supposedly the most depressive day of the year (Christmas bills, cold, tax season coming up, etc). Last winter was the first winter I can remember where I did not get depressed. Praise God! It was awesome and so far it is the same this winter. I read a book that helped me a lot. (Victory over Depression by Bob George). Not that you go read a book and it’s fixed (actually I read it a few years earlier and it made me mad). But God used it to really work in my little heart last year.”

The LBD Dual Significance:

Lamentations 3:21-27: But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.”

The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. It is good for a man that he bear the yoke in his youth.

Unknowingly, I ended up making today a solitude day, a respite of sorts, a time alone with my thoughts and my Savior. My soul is restored.

Psalm 23:1-3 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.

I have a new appreciation for these verses after reading David Arm’s (my favorite artist besides my father-in-law)thoughts on the “Out of the Ordinary” show on his website. He says the following about the painting “He Restores My Soul”:

“The hummingbird defines perpetual motion. To see one still is almost startling. It looks unnatural. Is it the same for us? For Him to restore our souls, I believe we must be still, be quiet. That is why he leads us to green pastures and still waters – to restore our souls.”

The LBD Dual Significance: God led me to still waters today, to green pastures in my living room. And I believe He revealed a piece of the puzzle regarding this season I am in. Actually, He has been revealing it…through His word, through my husband, through my friends, through the tension I feel. I just now had the eyes, heart and mind to see it….in the stillness.

He has led me out of the fluttering of wings in my life into the stillness. I find it so hard to be still. Oh I can in the moments like today, but in life as a whole…forget it. Yet, my heavenly Father, and my husband for that matter, loves me enough to urge me towards change. Urging me to not want, urging me to lie down, urging me to sit beside quiet waters, restoring my soul. Now, I must follow the path of righteousness…for HIS name’s sake.

So I’ve been a little busy lately and only been home long enough to get laundry done, pack, and repack it seems. I’ve wondered how I ever survived last year at this time with a full time job on top of this usual travel schedule. I’ve just added our Portland pictures to the site so be sure to check out all the fishing pictures from Portland and our Columbia River Gorge excursion. I’m not sure I even mentioned that we went fishing and Daniel caught an 8 foot, 300 lb sturgeon. Seriously!!! It was awesome.

I have so much to say and have not made the time to say it. Here is the a quick run down of my life and thoughts:

*Portland was awesome
*My older brother & sister-in-law welcomed their 2nd son
*I shopped at Opryland for 2 days while Daniel worked and barely found anything
*I have close friends that are hurting, anxious, overwhelmed, and on huge faith journeys and I have been working through my own responses to each of these scenarios and how God wants to use me or not use me. It is hard to sit and watch people you love go through stuff and feel so inept but I know God calls me to pray which is the best thing I can do.
*Daniel rode 106 miles in the Smokey Mountains on his bike with some buddies and I got to visit Emily in Alabama!
*My car died and came back to life
*We went to camp with our high school students and loved it as usual. It was hard at first for me not to be on the team running it but I am so thankful for the quality time I got to spend with my girls. I also wore superman underwear on stage and now the picture is all over facebook. Lovely.
*I cried on Veteran’s Day for the first time. And I kept crying. The military has been a little removed from my life but this year, three different scenarios forced me to a strong realization and thankfulness for their service.
*I’m the most thankful that I can ever remember. I’m very excited to celebrate Thanksgiving with family and friends.
*I just turned on Christmas music for the first time.

The LBD Dual Significance: I don’t have time to thoroughly explain how this relates but simply the fact the God is able to do anything we ask, but if He chooses not to, He is still worthy of all our praise, faith, and trust.

Daniel 3:17-18 “If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. 18 But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.”

I just had an epiphany.

Most of my friends know that I am walking through a crazy little season of unknown. There is a whole lot of dual significance going on right now!!! But I’ll spare you that analysis. As a struggle to be content, joyful, excited, peaceful and rest during this new season of life, I have been constantly reminding myself to “Be still, and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10. I have a hard time resting and when I am “resting”, I usually struggle to enjoy it.

After a rough day yesterday, I woke up this morning to sit before the Lord and wrestle through this. I decided to look back at my journal from about 3 months ago to refocus my dreams for this season, and BAM!…there it was! One of the verses God showed me during that decision making season was Psalm 127:1 “Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.” Great verse, but it honestly did not have a lot of significance to what I was processing at the time but was a reminder to me that He was in control. I believe now, he showed that to me then, because he knew I would look in my journal today. God is so cool.

The LBD Dual Significance: I’m still trying to build. Ergh! As much as I am striving to just be still, I still have this feeling inside that I have to come up with this great plan for this next phase of life. And every time I try and build, the Lord taps me on the shoulder, wipes it away, and reminds me to be still. So, my new prayer is “Build Lord Jesus, Build! And give me the patience to honor you in my rest and trust of your creation!”

I just recently finished up a study on the Book of Daniel in the Bible. I absolutely loved the familiarity of the ‘stories’ (The Fiery Furnace, The Lions Den) of the first 6 chapters and their challenge to live with integrity in this world no matter what comes. But I probably loved the last 6 chapters even more because of the history and prophecy that is just so stinkin cool in light of how awesome God is!

One random thing that stuck out to me was how God called the region of Israel “The Beautiful Land” (NIV) or “The Glorious Land” (ESV, KJV). When I think of Israel today, I picture the war zone, the dusty color of the buildings and definitely something I would not describe as beautiful. But after reading that in Daniel 8 & 11, I was struck by how the media has affected my view of God’s holy land, flowing with milk and honey, the beautiful land, by the images I have seen on TV. So today, I remembered to do a little web search on images of Israel and what I found WAS beautiful! You can check them out for yourself at www.israelimages.com.

I’ve been to Hawaii now and had heard for years how beautiful it is and how I just HAD to go. I would say the same thing to someone else having been there but now I really want to go to Israel! How cool would it be to not only walk the same places Jesus did and see all of the historical places, but to take in this “Beautiful Land” that God chose, out of every place on earth, to send His one and only Son to live as a man. To experience the human life on earth. I imagine it has to be pretty darn cool and I would love to be able to personally say, Hawaii is awesome but you HAVE to go to Israel!