The 27th

Hey Em,

It’s been a month since you’ve been gone.  And I miss you more than I could ever imagine.  Anytime I stop long enough to think, tears come quickly and well up in my eyes.  My emotions are not quite as raw this week as they have been and I guess that’s good…it means I’m moving on or something…but in some ways I don’t like it.  I know the reality is that I will “move on” and the days will get easier.  Time just has a funny way of doing that.  But I’m not sure I like what that means, because it means I’m adapting to you being gone.  And I don’t want you to be gone.  And in many ways I just want to stick my stubborn foot in the ground and refuse to move on.  But I know that the more I fight it, the worse it will be for me.  And I know you would get on to me for being stubborn.  You would be stubborn too, though.

I don’t want to delete your number from my phone or call Sprint and have them change my free phone number to somebody else.  I cooked from your pasta recipe while Micahl was here and used the jar of sun-dried tomatoes you bought for me.  Felt pretty strange.  I need another star like the one we bought together in Cullman and Savannah wore the outfit you gave her yesterday.  I don’t know what to do with the shirt I gave you for your birthday after your lung transplant that Callie gave back to me and I just cleaned out pictures where some random ones of you came up that I know you would want me to delete.  I’m back to blogging a little though since I’m not keeping up with yours but I’d trade that in an instant.  I wish I could tell you about Savannah’s party.  You would have been so proud of me and the cupcakes Micahl and I made.  I hear Brandon & Christie just got back from Seminar and were honored for the Chick-fil-a achievement.  I know how much that meant to your family and how much you supported Jason in achieving such a big goal.  I’m glad you got to see him achieve it but I wish you were still here to celebrate.  I’d love to hear your latest funny story of Faith & Maggie.  I’m trying to figure out what to do with pictures and photo albums for Savannah and wonder if you want me to complete your scrapbook for Faith.  I wonder if you have an extra special job in heaven that uses all of your experience in suffering on this earth.

I miss you.  It hurts.  I’m sad.  But I know there is joy and hope and peace…both for you eternally in Jesus’ presence, and for me on earth in trusting Him.

Love, Em