The Myth of the Perfect Parent

My friend Micahl sent me this article and I found it very interesting and definitely worth the time to read and ponder.  This is something we have both talked about extensively and something that we hope and pray can be different in our lives.  Children are a gift and God is sovereign.  If I think for a moment that I am in control of another human being, I am making God into less than all-supreme.  I encourage you to read the article whether you have kids or not.  The church in particular needs to reevaluate the message it is spreading about parenting.  I think it is also encouraging to think about your family (grandparents, parents, siblings and extended family) and view them through the lens of scripture in a different way.

Here are some excerpts that I found particularly thought provoking:

Many Christian writers and parents have absorbed these values and drifted into what could be called spiritual determinism. We have absorbed the cultural belief in psychological determinism but spiritualized it with Bible verses, and one verse in particular. The result is a Christianized version of the cultural myth. It reads something like this: “Christian parenting techniques produce godly children.”

Proverbs 22:6 has been widely adopted as both psychological premise and theological promise, despite the widespread recognition that hermeneutically, the Proverbs are not promises from God, but general observations and maxims. (Ironically, if King Solomon did pen this proverb, as many biblical scholars believe, he himself failed to exemplify its truth: In his old age, he abandoned the teaching and example of his father, as “his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the Lord his God, as the heart of David his father had been” [1 Kings 11:4].)

If our supposition—that we can measure the success of our parenting by the outcome of our children—is scripturally based, we should be able apply the test to God himself. After all, God is not only the author of our Scriptures, he is also himself a parent, one who identifies himself as our Father. The Old Testament in particular provides a long, deep look into the Father’s heart. When we look at his children, however, the news is not good.

If God’s success as a parent is to be judged by his children, what can we conclude? That God himself does not pass our parenting test?

When a child does make a decision to follow Christ, we often expect visible, even immediate transformation. The Bible demonstrates another reality. God schooled the Israelites for 40 years to walk them from paganism into faith in the one true God. The disciples lived in the presence of Jesus for three long years, their faith still pitifully small despite having constantly witnessed miracles and resurrections. And our redemption was fully accomplished when Christ uttered “It is finished” from the cross, but our transformation into his image continues as long as we have breath.

The question we ask of ourselves must be reframed. We need to quit asking, “Am I parenting successfully?” And we most certainly need to quit asking, “Are others parenting successfully?” Instead, we need to ask, “Am I parenting faithfully?” Faithfulness, after all, is God’s highest requirement for us.

This was Ezekiel’s responsibility: to speak and embody God’s words before the people in such a way that they might know who he was, a righteous prophet of God, and that they might know who God was. Ezekiel wanted more than this, of course. He desperately wanted to turn the people back to the living God and prevent the impending and appalling judgment and death. The record does not tell us if anyone repented as a result of his words, but Ezekiel was never accountable for the repentance of others. He was accountable only for his steadfast obedience.

We must rethink our assumptions and our calling as well. We are responsible to teach our children the fear of the Lord, to impress his laws on them when we “sit at home and when [we] walk along the road, when [we] lie down and when [we] get up”—meaning all the time (Deut. 6:7). And we are commanded to not exasperate our children, but to “bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4). But we must be clear about our own limits. We are not capable of producing perfect followers of Christ, as if we were perfect ourselves. Our work cannot purchase anyone else’s salvation or sanctification. Parents with unbelieving children, friends with children in jail, the discoveries of the geneticists, and the faith heroes in Hebrews 11 are all powerful reminders of this truth: We will parent imperfectly, our children will make their own choices, and God will mysteriously and wondrously use it all to advance his kingdom.

What are your thoughts?