Virtual Reality: Part 3

Ok, the final part of this crazy long series. Like I said in Part 2, I am very thankful for Nate’s openness in their story and for what God has done in my own heart and story because of it. Here’s my personal story and response to it all.

Emily and I have been friends for over 12 years. We were paired in our student ministry as Big Sister and Little Sister when she was in 7th grade and I was a sophomore in high school. My role was to help her adjust to being in the student ministry and be a friend and someone to talk to when she was there. I loved it and I of course chose her as my little sister because we shared the same name. I knew we would be great friends when our high school girls kidnapped the 7th grade girls really early in the morning and took them to eat at McDonald’s. Her not so lovely demeanor, frustration, and stubbornness about the whole thing won me over. I was the exact same way!

Throughout high school, our relationship developed into not only a deeper discipleship relationship but truly we had a wonderful friendship too. We would have Sonic dates all the time and talk about what God was doing in our hearts and lives, pray together, and as time went on, she began to share what she was struggling with in her fight with CF. I remember one very significant conversation on the phone when the fears of the future, the what ifs, and the whys were very heavy on her heart. As God was working in me to love and disciple her, I knew I was way out of my league. Thankfully, as God was working in me, I truly began to see that in my weakness, and in Emily’s weakness, HE is strong. Her physical struggles were a roller coaster just like the emotional, mental, and spiritual battles she was facing. I was thankful to be there all along the way and walk through life with her. The discipleship relationship really changed places too. Her faith, her journey, her struggles were teaching me more about who Christ is and His love and power than most anything else. And I am forever grateful.

We both married a few years later and were bridesmaids in each others weddings. I don’t have time to tell you the cool God stories in all of this but Jason, Emily’s husband, is such an amazing gift from God for her! Our friendship deepened drastically and although we ended up moving to different cities, we still maintained a very significant friendship. For many seasons, we have talked on the phone daily and if not weekly…something that is hard to maintain in any friendship much less long distance.

Although I rarely use the term “best friend” [because my husband truly is and I don’t like the exclusivity of the term...maybe I hang around high school girls or something ] but Emily is the epitome of what that means. She is the person besides Daniel who knows me best and who I know best and we take advantage of that. With the closeness of friendship, also comes the greater risk. I have realized over the past several years, just how much Emily means to me and how much my life is enriched by her presence in it. I can’t imagine living life without her.

Over the past few years, we have both had many conversations along these lines. When she became pregnant (a perfect gift from God NOT a mistake for not being careful enough), the reality of the risks was daunting. As she dealt with the many, many, many decisions, scenarios, and what ifs, not to mention the physical struggles, my role to pray, encourage, listen, and uphold became joyfully difficult. As God brought her daughter into the world and blessed Emily with the days to raise her, the new struggles of the urgent need for new lungs developed. The urgent need is still there and the wait is on.

How do you walk beside someone who is going through such a thing? How do you acknowledge realities and live in hope without being naive? How do you use words when words seem to fall so short? How do you handle your own fears while trying to help someone else with theirs? How do you hold the gifts that God has given you with an open hand when everything in you screams to keep your fist closed around it? I did not know the answers to any of these questions but somehow, someway God continues to use our friendship in both of our lives for encouragement and support. I love you Em. Beyond all words, I love you, I am eternally grateful for you and your friendship, and my life is forever changed because of you.

The LBD Dual Significance: So wrapping this back around to Nate’s blog, God has used his words and their story to help heal my heart in some ways. Emily is a very private person and her circumstances, although similar to Tricia’s, are different. In riding the roller coaster ride with her through specifically the past three years, there have been many things I have felt, wanted to say or acknowledge, or just been processing that were difficult to communicate because the words just weren’t there or the timing just wasn’t right. It also seems to be that I am far away when something happens rather than my normal two hour drive to her. I missed the birth because we were in Hawaii and seem to always be traveling when she gets a call for the lung transplant. For anyone that has lived similar circumstances, it is so difficult to not be there. It’s not like you can do anything but just to be there is so important. And the fears that I have battled about my own what ifs are much harder to battle when I’m not there. And by not being there in those moments, the emotional journey is somewhat unresolved.

So thanks to Nate being open and vulnerable and sharing his story. But it’s not Nate, it’s Christ in Nate that is doing something incredible. By reading His words, many times, it’s like I am reading my own thoughts from a few years back and able to heal some in the process. I’m also excited to see someone who is walking through circumstances like he is, speak the way he is speaking, even if it is just him processing his thoughts. It is a much needed perspective and reminds me of many conversations that Em and I have.

So these are my thoughts that I am processing related to all of this. I’ve felt pretty jumbled through this whole thing (sorry!) but it is also important to me to get this out there since it has been almost a week since the others have been up. Nobody is perfect this side of heaven and the blogging world will not be perfect either. I’m not expecting that, I’m just working through it in my own life, in my own weaknesses and struggles. And at the end of the day when all is said and done, I go back to 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 and pray that my life would look more like this: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.